24 July 2009

2009 has been half over. I did removed a bit of my procrastination yet still it's part of me.

Without having much plans for drastic changes, things happened changed me instead. Every breakup was uneasy -- it has just been a month -- I am now doing better than I could imagine. 

A month ago, I cried myself to sleep everyday and burst into tears even I was at work. I wanted so much and was willing to do whatever I could to have him back though I know somehow this won't be a good idea -- at least I know this is absolutely annoying to him; and there's no point to beg for a relationship cos I'd definitely be the inferior one afterall. Yet I couldn't help.

And somehow I read from a random book, which it inspired me and so with my own interpretation -- When two come to the final decision to breakup, what exist must not be something simple that the couple must have attempted for times to have it overcome yet failed, still. So without any big changes on both sides, the problem persist and even if the two get back together, the same-old problem will have the relationship end up with another breakup.

So I get started with our problem, and yes we have been frustrated and was stuggling on it for long. We both have worked hard to make changes but that's not enough. Yet only after the breakup, I realised I never express the real me which I guess that is whom he loved when we first met -- I was only shaping myself to be his girlfriend. This is miserable.

One's mind is hard to change and so (and persuaded by my darling mates) I started with my appearance. I went to the salon thrice this month and get my gel nails done the first time in my life, I changed my fragrance, I started reading things that inspired me, and I stated exploring everything in life -- good food with friends, good books, good music, good times with family.... I am searching for the real me and afterall I realised I am changing for Myself, not him.

Though sometimes, my heart ached still when I think of him. But I believe if we are meant to be together, fate will guide us through ; if we are not, I'll be thankful for having him once in my life who has inspired me to have all these changes and life experiences.

I love you. And my forever best wishes to you always.

Haven't been writing here for long.

It's a long annual leave. Finally some days to relax, lay back. Evaluation. (sounds old-fashioned huh!)
When you are too stuffed with work and urgent agenda, it's too much an extravagantness to think about life, or make it simpler, yourself.

Seriously haven't been long to have life without work. I couldn't and wouldn't put all blame to my workload. I always believe one could spare time for oneself given her determination. Mine is not enough. Procrastination kills.

My ex used to set new goals for every new year. He used to ask me my goals during casual chats even we've broken up. I was sick of this. I tend to let things go its way, never wanted to list from point 1 to point 10;  even I did this, the list would vanish without any reason 24 hours later, I am quite sure. Lack of determination I admit.

I don't intend to propose any drastic changes, I know it never work for me. At least I am going to remind and push myself for things I should do - Get Things Done. I am too lucky to have parents who paved my way in the past two decades;  good friends around who's always trying to put me back on the right track; kind bosses who always remind me deadlines and pushed me forward. Thanks to all these people. It's time to kill my little devil of procrastination.

2008. A year filled with experiences. Work and Relationships were driving me horribly crazy. I am still trying to get rid of the craziness. For some of those, I nearly couldn't recall the name. For one that hurt a lot, I know it was all a total mess. Worser than any TVB drama and any story you can imagine; yet still, I dare not announce a complete close file, but at least I am getting through.
It's hard. It's a tough lesson. Pisces is such a person overfilled with emotions.
It's time again to let my Angel D conquering my Devil P.

2009. I won't ask for complete smoothness. Experiences are going to be essential elements to my life lessons. I am asking for peacefulness and a contented life, healthiness to my loving parents, family and all my friends.

I love you all. Happy new year!

so this is how hard bubu was working to earn his little piece of pancake!

YUMMIE***

em... these ( except the one with big eyes ) frustrated mom a lot lately...

* extracted from <JET> Vol.58 ; text by Winifred